"God knows, what is happening to you, you are not speaking well, you are angry for no reason..." I did not answer, instead, I was wondering, "Really, are you that naive? You're the one who is ghosting me, for a month now, diminishing my presence and refraining from any responses." Anyways, he just kept on reiterating the same thing, I thought of holding myself back, I just knew here, this way, there is no possibility for us to have any conversation and I knew he would not be able to handle anything that I say yet, I could not hold myself and yes, I said just a few words which was enough to take things haywire...
“That particular day, I was and I am still "angry", I just did not want to hear your voice or see your face…” that was enough, I said that it was harsh and straight but it was the truth, and instead of trying to know “why.. why did I feel so or said so” he was straight up “angry and pissed” as for him, it was not about "me" or more importantly about "us", it was just about "him." And, I don’t think he was disappointed but he was boiling and asking “who else is left to be angry with me… what kind of anger is that, that you do not even want to hear the voice or see someone’s face, what in the hell have I done?” And, to all this, I was like "REALLY?"
He was boiling… I knew that was not the right time for any kind of conversation but seeing him so I thought it was necessary to settle before we drove down hence, I asked him to stop the car and side it for “15… 5 minutes” but, he said we are getting late so I cannot stop the car even for a minute yet, stopping the music that was being played in the background he added, “Okay, talk…what you want to say, you want to scream and scold or get violent… what is it, what you wanna say, what is the thing that requires me to… so that we have to sideline the car?”
Well, hearing him, SIGH I had nothing to add, I said, “no I will
not scream or scold or get violent” But, the truth is seeing his face and the anger
and the frustration, I knew one thing, he ain’t getting my point. He couldn’t
understand… he sounded so not ready, he sounded almost like he does not want to
uncover or hear anything from me, he just wanted the chapter to end and he does
not want anything around us anymore…. all he wanted is "US" to act normal and "ME" to be nice and gentle as if nothing has ever happened. And, I knew this, I knew it before
hence… OKAY NEVERMIND.
Nevertheless, with this anger in him and the despondency in me-
Gosh, what do I even say, I have been feeling awful for weeks now and that
moment in his car was just so enough, so much so that I ended up breaking down,
almost shredded in tears and all he says seeing me in that situation, “See, What can
I do? I am doing my best…” I did not say a word nor did he… there was anything but an utmost absence of empathy and that was it, it
was my birthday and happiest birthday to me!
- 2023
No comments:
Post a Comment