"How do I feel?
How do I feel...?"
Sounds so simple yet so hard, sometime the feeling that we are feeling is so complicated, there isn't so great issue yet every words and every thing feel like my worst enemy and that simple question "how do I feel?" Sounds like haunting chants.
You know what, I feel so crept out - freaking bitch, I mean this is a very 1st time I am admitting or using the word like "bitch" but I think that's so true at least for now, I feel like a jerk, that one person who is so carefree but so trynna be careful. And when I do so I feel fake, its unlike I wanna be so or do so but that's how I ended up being and doing.
Back then I created lots of mess,been through holy shit called 'depression' and now I believe I overcame through it. But when I analyze it myself like today, really sitting and thinking about it I feel like - have I really been the one I always wanted to be? Am I really the one that I should be? Is it really something that gonna keep me happy for rest of my life? Why am I being so freaking asshole..indeed - all these questions, and when I seek for an answer I find nothing, I find myself confused and trapped down under my own double - splited dreams. The dream that I owe but not really ready to admit and the dream that I see from others and try to imitate in my life. And do you know how I feel, I feel like a useless copy cat. Well it's unlike me doing the things other are doing, it's unlike I am following someone's footstep and it's unlike I am doing as per my will,AS PER MY WILL.
Then what am I really doing? F***ing messing up with my own life? Well everything i did was all my will, I did it no matter what, who stood by me, or who didn't, wasn't the issue, I always listened to myself. But even after this, after doing whatever I did I am not so happy, and I don't know how I feel.
The only feeling that stands clearly is "I am confused" and that's way too funny, I feel like I am joking with my own life!
I mean can't you see this, I don't listen to other and I say, I do whatever I feel like, and then I say I don't do what I feel like- isn't it a sign of being in a senseless or better in a simple term called it to be a mad one- out of ya mind types.
Well even though before coming to a conclusion let me share with you more of the symptoms, I had with me and with so called fortune, habits and ego.
Every now and then I do wonder around, thinking "Am I the only one?" That's the very 1st question hitting my brain. Along with "why..ME?" I mean I observe everyone's life and than ask myself being angry yet so confuse (undoubtedly) "why me? And am I the only one?" And then piss my mood. Its something I just don't like doing but I still do.
"How do I feel?" Gets me like: "I feel like I want to get all 'A's' on my exams, I feel like I wanna be the most followed instagramer(like really but yeah), I feel like I wanna be the successful business person, I feel like having my own car-house and huge bank balance, I feel like traveling whole world, I feel like going on for long tours with my family, I feel like reading all the possible novels, I feel like sleeping all day long on a most luxurious bed, I feel like standing in front of huge crowd and share my stories, I feel like visiting people and help them-console them-encourge them and not to forget I feel like going on a concert of Justin Bieber, 1D and Gn'R , I feel like this and -I feel like that...nothing goes stable...so many desires and so many feelings and none of them are stable!
I know there is no problem in having those feelings because that's something all of us feel and dream of about, but when we over do it.. And then - I don't know !
I know I can make it, I know I can do anything I desire but all of my desires get over dosed - I just can't listen to one voice I need to hear and when I hear those outer world - so many stuffs - I just don't feel like listening. But then again, I feel like I listened way too much, and that's the reason why I am lost.
But still, I feel - NO - Not Really....I Don't agree - Because the only problem i have and I had was I never listened- I never did - and as per my habit became of listening but not really listening, I didn't even hear my own voice. And did everything that instantly came on my head, shitty brain indeed. And that's the reason why I wasn't happy at all.
Now I do know what to do...but I have no idea how to do it. But I am trying, I still don't know what exactly I feel even though now I can somehow concentrate on my deep down words. And all I have to do is to build up the skill to manage the feeling I get.. And understand what is really important and what is good.
Lastly, no matter what we do we can't stop our feelings - the way we feel is something that's incosntant - but to analyze it and understand it and then to make it work is something that can be constant. So, hopeful as now I have understood it, I can implement it...because the hardest work is to implement after understanding it. And I hope I can overcome from my depressing thoughts and try to understand and manage all of my feelings just to feel good and to feel happy. Because no matter what we do - how we live, our ultimate goal is to be happy and satisfy ourselves.
Feel Happy - Feel Good - Love Yourself
How do I feel...?"
Sounds so simple yet so hard, sometime the feeling that we are feeling is so complicated, there isn't so great issue yet every words and every thing feel like my worst enemy and that simple question "how do I feel?" Sounds like haunting chants.
You know what, I feel so crept out - freaking bitch, I mean this is a very 1st time I am admitting or using the word like "bitch" but I think that's so true at least for now, I feel like a jerk, that one person who is so carefree but so trynna be careful. And when I do so I feel fake, its unlike I wanna be so or do so but that's how I ended up being and doing.
Back then I created lots of mess,been through holy shit called 'depression' and now I believe I overcame through it. But when I analyze it myself like today, really sitting and thinking about it I feel like - have I really been the one I always wanted to be? Am I really the one that I should be? Is it really something that gonna keep me happy for rest of my life? Why am I being so freaking asshole..indeed - all these questions, and when I seek for an answer I find nothing, I find myself confused and trapped down under my own double - splited dreams. The dream that I owe but not really ready to admit and the dream that I see from others and try to imitate in my life. And do you know how I feel, I feel like a useless copy cat. Well it's unlike me doing the things other are doing, it's unlike I am following someone's footstep and it's unlike I am doing as per my will,AS PER MY WILL.
Then what am I really doing? F***ing messing up with my own life? Well everything i did was all my will, I did it no matter what, who stood by me, or who didn't, wasn't the issue, I always listened to myself. But even after this, after doing whatever I did I am not so happy, and I don't know how I feel.
The only feeling that stands clearly is "I am confused" and that's way too funny, I feel like I am joking with my own life!
I mean can't you see this, I don't listen to other and I say, I do whatever I feel like, and then I say I don't do what I feel like- isn't it a sign of being in a senseless or better in a simple term called it to be a mad one- out of ya mind types.
Well even though before coming to a conclusion let me share with you more of the symptoms, I had with me and with so called fortune, habits and ego.
Every now and then I do wonder around, thinking "Am I the only one?" That's the very 1st question hitting my brain. Along with "why..ME?" I mean I observe everyone's life and than ask myself being angry yet so confuse (undoubtedly) "why me? And am I the only one?" And then piss my mood. Its something I just don't like doing but I still do.
"How do I feel?" Gets me like: "I feel like I want to get all 'A's' on my exams, I feel like I wanna be the most followed instagramer(like really but yeah), I feel like I wanna be the successful business person, I feel like having my own car-house and huge bank balance, I feel like traveling whole world, I feel like going on for long tours with my family, I feel like reading all the possible novels, I feel like sleeping all day long on a most luxurious bed, I feel like standing in front of huge crowd and share my stories, I feel like visiting people and help them-console them-encourge them and not to forget I feel like going on a concert of Justin Bieber, 1D and Gn'R , I feel like this and -I feel like that...nothing goes stable...so many desires and so many feelings and none of them are stable!
I know there is no problem in having those feelings because that's something all of us feel and dream of about, but when we over do it.. And then - I don't know !
I know I can make it, I know I can do anything I desire but all of my desires get over dosed - I just can't listen to one voice I need to hear and when I hear those outer world - so many stuffs - I just don't feel like listening. But then again, I feel like I listened way too much, and that's the reason why I am lost.
But still, I feel - NO - Not Really....I Don't agree - Because the only problem i have and I had was I never listened- I never did - and as per my habit became of listening but not really listening, I didn't even hear my own voice. And did everything that instantly came on my head, shitty brain indeed. And that's the reason why I wasn't happy at all.
Now I do know what to do...but I have no idea how to do it. But I am trying, I still don't know what exactly I feel even though now I can somehow concentrate on my deep down words. And all I have to do is to build up the skill to manage the feeling I get.. And understand what is really important and what is good.
Lastly, no matter what we do we can't stop our feelings - the way we feel is something that's incosntant - but to analyze it and understand it and then to make it work is something that can be constant. So, hopeful as now I have understood it, I can implement it...because the hardest work is to implement after understanding it. And I hope I can overcome from my depressing thoughts and try to understand and manage all of my feelings just to feel good and to feel happy. Because no matter what we do - how we live, our ultimate goal is to be happy and satisfy ourselves.
Feel Happy - Feel Good - Love Yourself
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