Dear S,
Last time, again it happened, we met and things went as it
always do- you melt me with your words and unconventional feelings. Well, I must
say I don’t regret or have anything that I hate from that day! We both know, there
are things that shouldn’t have happened at first place, and we both don’t know
whom to blame, because trust me, it’s both of us who never stopped, though
pretended a lot to forge the space as it ends.
Meanwhile, I didn’t know what to say, I mean I did say “NO”,
reminding you the protocol! But you broke it, and I did allow you to break it, I
really couldn’t hold myself, as it was all I have been waiting and day dreaming
from more than a half a year! It was all that it could be, maybe it could have
been much better, but as always- you were there running out of time- and its
okay! Hence, I think whatever happened was at its best, it was good, and as
good as it can be!
Nevertheless, there are moments that took my heart and
breathe away both in good and, in a sad manner… but this time, I wasn’t
heartbroken as I felt last time back in November! Maybe because this time, I wasn’t
expecting a lot, as you came with some beautiful and enduring words that
sounded like the promise that did make me feel you meant a lot as you said, and
I felt like you somewhat meant to stay, but thank god- I wasn’t relying to
those words, though I wished them to be true, I do, but my heart just didn’t
get overwhelm, and my mind didn’t lose its pace.
To my surprise, I wasn’t expecting you to react on a way
that you did, I was all there controlling and trying to act cool, as if “whooo,
I am okay and blah-blah…” holding my words, anger, emotions and feelings. But
you my boy, you got me in, you are so stubborn and so racy, and can’t forget you
were at some level a stalwart, which I do appreciate!
Lastly, that day- you were too cute, funny, did feel too
attractive and can’t forget your various emotional levels that showed various
shades which includes your: anger, ego, anxiety, childishness, and love! And trust
me, all these shades of yours are totally fine, I really don’t have complains though
I wish you if you could control your anger a little bit, you really do get “red”
really-really red, as the anger rises up, that sometime terrifies me! Anyways, talking
about love, I don’t know what kind of “love” you carry for me, though you did
mention, I was there in your mind for this long despite of the distance, which I do appreciate but I don’t
know what to say on this, yet I hope you meant that, meant a lot indeed.
All in all, thank you it was lovely meeting you again,
seeing you again, and feeling your presence of cheesiness ever again! It was rejuvenating,
I don’t carry anything harsh for you, but all the care and tenderness because
you really consume some deep space within me. But can’t let my self-esteem hurt
right? You really need to value my worth, I hope someday you will take your
time and think of me, about me and know the real value that clears the space and
path… I don’t expect anything from you, because I really cannot let my
existence go meaninglessly down! Yet I still feel confuse, and tingled,
lacking in words to express what I want and what to expect from you and from us;
thus, all I can do is wish you the best, and it was really-really good to see
you again.
Lots of love,2018.06.20.
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