Oh hi

Do you have something to say?

Please, don’t lie—just let it play.

It’s been months—I’ve lost the count,
Yet your pictures stay, a memory I can’t renounce.

Storage full with 600+ frames of moments we knew,

Strolling the town, just you and me and your friends around,
Simple moments that still set me free.
Laughter shared, smiles so bright,
A quiet warmth that feels just right.

Oh hi
It’s been forever since I saw your face.
I thought we’d never meet,
Never cross the same street,
Never share the same space.
But here you are, the world feels small,
With social media creating chances for all.
A funny twist, a trolling fate,
That brings us here—was it too late?

"You look cute," "You’re so sweet,"
"Oh, thank you," my heart skips a beat.
Small DMs, chats in the night,
Butterflies waking, everything feels right.
I check my phone, it’s your message again,
Sent at 1 something, on your birthday’s end.

Oh hi

But then you stop, you hesitate.

"Should I text you or should I not?"

Yet deep down, you know it’s true,

“I like you—I really still do.”

And maybe, just maybe, you feel it too,

Or is this just for the highlights of you?

- Dec.024

The ghost of the haunting tale

So many ups and downs, and now I am feeling like a clown

All I wanted was a place that was safe and sound

See, with every passing month despite having a ray of hope,

I was losing myself way too remote

Bewildered in emotions, longing to have a simple conversation

"Call me once, he said later, I asked when is that later... he replied IDK"

Sheltered in the plausibility of avoidance,

I just got lost, and maybe I was waiting to be found

But, unfortunately, I was waiting in a haunted town-

It was awful, it is painful with sleepless nights and dejected days with no sunshine

I got stuck in a hurricane, ruining my sanity, my sane

I did not know I was this "naive" or maybe, I am simply "so damn stupid"

Foolish and implausible, baffled with sentiments that have no future...

"Whatever happens tomorrow, we had today" that today has now turned to be a part of past

As the present feels disconsolate where I simply wish for a day that just does not last...

Maybe I just need a break, a timelapse with anything that has a different cast

Because right now everything feels shallow and, I cannot explain or express the triviality of my presence in the path that is way too narrow 

As it, all might feel a little scary like the ghost of the haunting tale...with no mercy or merry

- March 30, 2023 (11:30PM)

Whispers Goodbye: Shattered Resonance to Stay

In the wreckage of my heart, a quiet sigh,

September whispered our final goodbye.

As 2024 emerged, January's plea,

A call to move on, to set my spirit free.

 

On my birthday, as I turn a year old in shadows strong,

I believed resilience in me belonged.

See my heart just sank, before your grin,

My strength did fold, a melting surrender to a story untold.

 

Again a question arose- shall we weave anew, give all we possess,

Or linger as strangers, in silence confess?

No greetings exchanged, no trollish brim,

A crossroads of hearts, emotions dim.

 

- Jan.19.024

[Can I ask you something, do you really LOVE me?]

Falling For You: Euphoric Echoes

Why did I tumble into this love so deep?

What mysteries and wonders led me to you, to keep?

I clasped your visage, peered into your eyes so true,

Seeking answers in your gaze, questions in my heart grew.

 

Then, your lips met mine, a touch so divine,

A revelation surged through me, a signal so fine.

It was sweetness incarnate, my heart skipped a beat,

In your embrace, my world felt complete.

 

Nervousness took hold, my words went astray,

Yet you beckoned with kindness, in a simple way.

"Please, sit by my side," your plea gently pressed,

Melting my hesitation, my heart confessed.

 

Resting my head upon you, as you played with my hair,

Conversations flowed endlessly, a bond beyond compare.

Your desire for more moments, a devotion so clear,

Brought me joy and solace, dispelling every fear.

 

You held my hands, a touch of connection so pure,

Listening, sharing thoughts, and emotions to ensure.

Childlike in your wonder, a heart open wide,

Your innocence and charm, forever by my side.

 

Adorably, you've captured my heart's every nook,

In you, I find love in every cranny and crook.

"I'll learn all for you," your promise, steadfast and true,

A pledge of devotion, a dedication that grew.

 

So now I confess, with emotions so true,

"I love that about you," in every shade and hue.

In your arms, in your words, in your spirit so free,

I've fallen for you, beyond what my dreams could foresee.

- Aug 22

well you were asking for Arijit's song but some other track got played, one of my fav "Mahiye Jinna Sohna"

"ya bataun main tujhey

Tu hai jo mila mujhey

Ho gayi hai Rabb di aamadaan Itne naseeb se

Dekha hai kareeb se

Noor diyaan hoyiaan baarishaan"

Serenade of the Soul: A Treasured Forehead's Caress

Destined to depart, time slipping away,

Nearly half past nine, but I urged your delay.

And you stayed, captivated by my words' sway,

A sacred bond revealed, in actions gentle, they say.

 

Oh, we embraced this sweet, romantic spell,

Beyond the realms of time and space, we dwell.

In that fleeting instant, as you softly spoke,

I felt your tender touch, innocence evoked.

 

“A kiss upon the forehead, a cherished treasure,”

Unveiling depths of passion, a stroke of love beyond measure

Those soft, wet lips, conveyed desires that words cannot expound

Fanning the flames of our deepest, truest desire, for maybe the love to remember.

 

But boy, is it “love” or is the passion that wants a fusion of souls

Unveiling depths of delicate union, a shelter from the storm

Anyways, your sudden kiss on my forehead felt anything but “mine”

A symbol of trust, of safety and care, a tenderness of affection that I will forever endure.

- May 21, 2023

Reticent

“I want to hold your hand as we talk, I want to kiss you as I look into your eyes

Oh, there is so much I want but…okay never mind”

Why do you even ask?

He checks on me every day, texts with all concern “day was Good?”
I wonder and reply with a straight face, “why do you even ask?”
“I am at home, got same old stuff to do, and got the same old story in a loop”
“Alrighty” he says but intrudes with the scoop of sunshine:
“It's temporary, I’ll be waiting on the other side…”

And, my heart pounds unnecessarily, but oh dear, you know it's not a love story
Soon it all submerges as he renounces his own words,
Claiming it's all just to comfort, “It’s just a friendly gesture”
Like the “Wildest Dream…nothing last forever…and, I can see the end as it begins…”
12:34 in the mid-night, he texts saying “nothing, just checking up on you”
12:37, “if I don’t sleep, I am calling you”
Oh boy, how can you say “it’s nothing when you care about everything”

From the point, how much I slept to when I ate- you care every day, every night                              

You care about my mood, you care about my deadlines too, and...
Oh boy, I wonder with my messed-up head, “why should I even matter to you?”   
Nonetheless, let's interpret- as you once said, “why do we feel like our conversation isn’t over”       
Well, but to be honest, I do not think we will ever have a closure… 

Hence, I wonder and reply with a straight face, “why do you even ask?”

- 9:03 PM (Nov 20, 022)

 {Toxicity really does not come in bad packaging at times!}

“Wildest Dream…nothing last forever…and, I can see the end as it begins…” - Adopted from Taylor Swift (Wildest Dream)

The beauty of the eyes that make us see and we feel,

The darken shadow of the rusted glimpse, hidden in the depth of the memories,

We see, what we want

We feel as the dreams and the memories float in our heads.

The connection of the bygone time,

Something that links the formation of responses sent by our impulse.

The deeper the links, the “bygone time” feels fresher and alluring.

The solidarity of the neurons increases so does the repetition of recollection of some memories

Now, we stand in the present, the “moment we are living in”

The expansion of successive repetition of the solidarity-

changes semantic establishment of our upcoming existence.

Now, we decide what is real and what is not,

We choose, where we want to live, the phase REM or the open eyes.

Yet remember before you decide, someone once said,

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one”

- 2020.04.30 (lockdown)

Dazzled Insecurities

Do you know like that- Like that only things change.

Till yesterday we were strangers and, now I know you so well,

So good, so in detail, but I wonder how long?

How long, will I be knowing you?

Everything changes so fast, I am little scared,

And I wonder, this time who will initiate.

Will that be me or you- 

"Who will break the heart, or be left, heartbroken?"

So pessimistic.

I know, but I told you- I am little scared.

JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY "I LOVE YOU"

Some effortless moments, and some charmingly overdone work of art,

They were all enough to conquer my heart, childish and unthoughtful.

The time I said back, “I love you”,

The smile and the tears that immersed in both of us, reflected anything but happiness, I knew.

But now, as the time has passed, every time you say, “I love you”

I doubt my own will and desire to reply back.

I do not dislike you, but why do I have this obligation to love you back?

The time flies, things change, but I do not want this to be the excuse,

But I wonder, when and how I started to love you?

And I wonder, why and what are the reasons that I stopped now?

Do tell me, am I obligated to love you, just because you love me?

Do not misguide these thoughts and my immutable desire with an affair,

The childish misology that you think I have.

I am just wondering, your love for me,

With these ashes that are burnt, and scars that are sored in my body,

Now, they have started to reflect even in my heart.

So, I ask you again:

“Is it enough for me to have a love for you, just because, you say, almost every day, I love you?”

Cadaver

Your mind is the never-ending maze that you can get lost in,

Your heart is the never-stopping musical beat that you have conspicuously stopped to listen,

Your soul is the deepest-darkest, untravelled destination that you have forever missed exploring,

And, you are sitting here blind, craving and crunching the dreams that were never yours,

You are now no more than a fooled flesh of void, fleeted in the realism of someone else’s core,

 You are feisty, yet nothing than a clueless clown,

 Or, better to be called a cadaver, a dead human body left for some study of anatomy.

Come back

Come back, you have kissed these lips thousands of times.

I miss the way I lay my head on your shoulder,

The incomplete, in between interruptions that I alter,

There are just, few days, few nights-

I miss you more than anything I can ever imagine of

Come back, I want to kiss you like the old times…

Come back, I miss you more than ever.

 - 03.06.2020

Heroic upheaval of something unromantic…

You slowly hold my hands, take them near to your chest,

And to your lips, you kiss them slowly, and steadily,

It feels ticklish, as I can feel your tongue and even the teeth.

Well, getting there on your lap, and kissing your neck,

While playing with your hair….

No wonder our lips will get braced and, I will be feeling your breath

And the moisture of your mouth will get into me like an old aged wine.

And, that was just the beginning-

I, unbutton your shirt, slowly,

And, with the tips of my fingers, I trace my lines.

Well, I can see and feel where we going,

But today…we won’t stop, we both know that right???

{Or will we…who is there? Is there anyone to stop us, 

Don’t we both want the same thing?

But wait, are we afraid, afraid of the future, 

Afraid of- what will we name- are we even together...

And more importantly, what is it- Love or Lust?}

03/07

adrenaline rush

The window line is in the same place for years now, and I am sitting next to it since I was a child

And "now" I wonder: why don’t I get bored with it?

.

.

.

I woke up with this dream, and to my surprise, I didn’t see you,

It was kind of a relief, though it may sound wrong to you,

But this is so true.

I felt like, I was out of blue, the adrenaline rush just got stopped,

I could feel the fresh breeze of the wind,

I can feel, I no more hear your voice running inside my head,

I can feel fear and anxiety are no more there.

I know I cannot blame you for this, for the pain, I did go through- when you left,

But, the fight within me for you “was real”

I have to admit, I missed you every day and hated myself more and more,

So much more that it was hard to see and face myself, touch myself, feel love for myself...
But, I am glad its all over..............................................................?

.

.

.

If you pretend to be someone else

I see it, I do- see it all

I recognize and acknowledge it,

I know you heard me careful, you read all of my words by heart

And, I know that you are doing all these things for me.

But, I have to let you know, and you must understand,

I don’t want anyone who is like “him or her”

I appreciate the realness within you, the person that you are-

Not the person you are pretending to be.

Maybe the tricks of your brain

It was a sweet little gesture of a gentleman, 

However, he did feel little more annoying at times, 

But then again, he would listen to her, he would make his ear out of all the noises.

And, it can be pathetic, so- to be true she tried to ignore, and make it feel like:

"He is just good to her, like to anyone else he would!"
But then again, she feels little different the way he looks at her,
She feels little different the way he speaks to her,
She feels little different with every little gesture, they share.
But still, then again, she says,
"He is just being a gentleman, same as his name suggests it to be."
"And the way he likes to act and portray, as his day turns out to be."
Hence, she suggests, its nothing, nothing more than the illusion of her brain!
.

As she came, he gave his hand to her,

She wanted to hold it for longer, and he was ready to hold it tight,

But then again, she was scared, maybe nervous,

She knew she couldn’t do that, she just knew she couldn’t…

And he was also confused about her, maybe they both need some spare time,
Maybe they both are exaggerating something that is nothing,
But an act of friendly gestures- mankind,
Lost in the thoughts of their old lovers-

"My love, where have you been............?"

When I say I still miss you, I feel like I’m lying!

When I say I still miss you, I feel like I’m lying,

 Because, I still do, but I don’t want to misguide, my heart

I know we are apart,

I know you are all gone, and you won’t return.

I feel like I don’t need you, I feel like I don’t want anyone like you,

 But don’t know, every time why though?

I look for your presence; I look for your soul.

I look for someone like you, in someone else’s core.

I know it’s unrealistic, and I know, I seem like a fool,

But I still look for your presence, I look for your soul.

Sometimes, I feel like I will go crazy,

Platonic, something very temporary.

I feel I can do this, I know, I don't miss you (maybe) 

I know, I only miss those moments shared with you (maybe)

 And then, I feel like I’m lying, because I still do.

When I am lonely, I act like I’m holding your hands,

When I am alone, l act like I’m kissing your lips.

When I want to talk, I act like I'm in a conversation with you,

 Keeping my head on your chest, listening to some soothing tracks in between.

And, when I know I can’t have “us” but still, I just miss,

And I wish if we were “us” just for quite a bit, a bit longer.

 But then, when I say I still miss you, I feel like I’m lying...

- 2019.04.22

“After long talks,

After some overly friendly gestures,

After trying to explain why you want to,

After touching my lips twice & saying you didn’t do,

After a heartbreaking confession, why can’t we end up with each other as a deuce!

After the fear of being whoosis,

After countless smiles & laughs,

After lots of muttering & denial of the fact I want to,

You finally held me, took my hair back, and even confessed you learned it last night through YouTube,

I felt the warmth, as you came near,

We finally touched each other’s lips and,

You finally kissed me for real,

I remember you even complained, why I ain't kissing you,

It feels like “I’m the only one who is doing so!”

Meanwhile, I even asked & told you “I didn’t know we can talk & laugh, while we kiss thou...”

We both wondered how the kiss was,

Knowing the fact this was the 1^st for both indeed.

My lips were in yours & yours in mine,

Well, we kissed & kissed,

Kisses after kisses,

From forehead to eyes, from nose to lips,

All over the cheeks,

Impulsively racing the breathes,

Touch of yours, over my body, my hand around your neck & the ear – OH! GOD SPARE!

It was electrifying, mesmerizingly rare,

It was the magic of the 1^st time, it felt mystically real,

 Your car felt like a home,

And

You felt like the only person I know,

Meantime, do you remember it rained as soon as we kissed?

Do you remember the same thing that happened when we 1st touched each other’s cheeks?

And wait, it rained every time we meet!
.
-2017

“Where Are We?”

Where are we, are we still in there, 1000 years back,

Living some sort of life, with no lights and no education to stabilize our life?

Where are we, are we still getting so occupied by our individual thoughts,

That yet, we are still so engaged in the “so-called” collective approach,

Without “her” consent in the matter of talk.

Where are we, that he speaks too much, his mistakes turn out to be little slip of words,

That “she” also agrees, and makes “her” quiet, asking her not to get offended,

Saying, “It's Okay! He is the man of the house. He has ALL THE RIGHTS" and, what not!

So, where are we, doesn’t she belong to this place, “Isn’t this My House and My Family- that I can share my words, and place my views as well” she asks...

Where are we? 21st century, where they say, “Man and the woman are of the same kind"
"Humanity joints us together not the sexuality to phrase the disparity of our existence to the end line.”

But still, where are we?

He works, he comes, he is tired, “she” must please his “will and the desire”

Now, at this age (2000’s) she works, she comes, but she isn’t “Tired”(?)- She has a family to raise, and members to please, demolishing her own desires!

So, "where are we?"

.

“He smiles, he laughs,
He even makes you feel miserable at times-
But, that doesn't last,

As, he takes you to the stars, and explores the galaxies miles apart.

He dances in the middle of the streets,

And dips into the depths of your heart.

He tries to unravel you, know you as if he is the “Sherlock Holmes”

The happy-go-lucky guy, with outrageous thoughts and wild mind.

He is crazy, yet, he is so calm,
He is “sweet” but not honeyed with the fake realm of charm.

However, he is there, faking his age and his inner thoughts,
And, he is there, hiding the beauty of his brain,
By casting some magic spells between the conversations with no alarm.

But, the thing is- he is just there, acknowledging every word you share.

He is just there, as he smiles, and brings giggles in your face.
(So, for now-)

He is everything I am discovering over these days…”
                                   .
"There are times when he feels like me, 

  There are other times, he feels, everything I cannot tolerate to be…”

-2019.03.25