Encumber

Trynna climb high, wanna go up there from where I can have a clear view. Thinking that's it, that's the thing gonna make me loud, gonna cherish my life, and thinking that's the thing that gonna bring all the happiness.
But oh-no, I forgot the journey before I thought of the end point and my afterward. And the journey, it brings with the struggle, criticism, hatred, competition, troucher and physical, mental, and emotional breakdowns.
Aww... I feel like not walking, not climbing the rock, not taking a step, those hardship I don't think I can bear. But I don't think, I can even stand here any longer, being here in this place, the place I am now. This is more than a nightmare, so I wanna wake up, feel the beauty of the next morning. But I am so nervous, I don't know either there will be a bright day or a gloomy one.
 I feel so powerless, I feel so helpless. I feel like I need someone to wake me up, and get me ready for the morning. Meantime there's no one, I find everyone sleeping along with me. There is no one to wake me up, rather they need to be awaken. Then again NO, they don't want to wake up, they feel it's the reality, they got habituated of these dreams as a reality.
Instead me, I can't handle it, because my state of sleeping ain't so good, I am in a nightmare, a drak place nor like a hell neither heaven but worst than anything you can imagine.
I don't think I can read the book, if someone gives me of my future, till the very end, and I don't think I can take any steps further without knowing my future again. I am in such an unconditionally unfavorable situation where I have no idea on anything even of myself.
What kind of person am I ? I wonder every now and then. I am trapped with my past, creating the flashbacks the reality of my present and messing all the moments that I can create for my future.
You cannot see this when you meet me. Even if you see it, you may be calling it to be any simple illness. Or just gonna be tricked with the mask of the smiles and the laughs I carry with myself.
Otherwise around, if you can feel and see my soul, its in a prison, screaming and hindering with the begs to get out. My soul is someone who is suffering the most. My soul..is trying to survive this nightmare more than my body. It's searching for a place to rest, to take a deep-fresh breathe. Me and my soul,along with the body of mine, wanna be free of the encumber chapters of my life.
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(This article isn't relating anything towards death or somethting similar but trynna just explain how trapped we're within ourselves)